New year...new creative writing...

So we're 24 days and and few minutes into the new year, and I remember about my blog. I'm really good at sticking to things, as you can tell...

What's going on with me?

Not a great deal. I moved my room around, and tidied it, only to explode in untidyness all over it again. Always a plus.

I got some very positive feedback from the family about a piece of writing I did, it's boisted my belief and motivation, if only slightly!

I'm currently working on a piece, well three pieces. Sort of. Technically more, but it's three that are keeping me awake at night with idea, so let's say three.

The first is for a unit of my degree. Basically I get to write 10000 words of whatever style I choose. A second dissertation I guess!! If I had to classify it's genre, I'd say my piece is young adult fantasy fiction, I suppose. But I think it's kind of something anyone could enjoy reading. We'll see...It's an adaptation of something I wrote way back in sixth form. Should be good!

The second is, well if i'm honest, I'm not sure. It's a storyline that sprung fully formed into my mind whilst I was on the train home from uni. Rather interesting exploration of 'Limbo'. I'm not sure whether I want it to be prose or script though, so it's a major work in progress.

And the third is one of those piece of writing that poked my brain at around 1.30 am, and forced me to write it out there and then. Sci-fi weird steampunk style story. Probably comes from watching/reading a little too much sci-fi, and being far too addicted to the idea of steampunking.

Life should be steampunk. That would be immense.

I joined fanfiction.net, in order to post up my work, but then discovered i'd been rather dense and forgotten that I don't write fan fiction, and therefore there isn't really much space for my work on that website...Therefore, I'm considering posting up some samples of work on here, but I'm not sure anyone reads this, so it could be fruitless.

We shall see.

As always, my ramblings have come to an indecisive end...

May you have many children.

x

Music...Life...Dreams...

I love music.

I mean I freaking love it.

It's like the meaning of life of something. To me anyways.

I mean, you know that feeling when you listen to a really great song, and there's a riff, or a little part of it that just clicks. It just hits every nerve of your body and makes you stop and go "Wow."

That's what I'm searching for. That's what life is. That's the thing that makes life worth living, those little moments of harmony.

Screw the fighting, and the drama, and the general stuff. Life is music. Music is life. Everything has a tune and its all there just waiting to be heard, and I want to be there to hear it, you know? I want to experience everything, but there is just too much for one lifetime.

I want to do SO MUCH! People keep asking me what I want to do after I finish my degree. I tell them I don't know. This is a lie. It's more convenient you know? Rather than listing off all the hundreds of things i'd love to achieve in life, I fob them off with a "Oh i don't know, I guess i'd like to perform, but that won't happen, so i'll work in publishing or teach or something..."

I don't seem to have the drive to achieve my dreams. I really lack motivation. I should want to follow my dreams to the stars, but all I seem to do is wallow around being all emo about how i'm not good enough to achieve them. Do I set my sights to high? Maybe. Do I just underestimate my own talents? Probably.

I need to start believing in things. No. That's not it. I believe in my dreams, and I know that I want to perform. I feel it in my gut, my head and my tear ducts EVERYTIME I watch a piece of theatre. Everytime I listen to one of those beautiful songs. My head goes "That's what you want to do. That's where you want to be, bloody hurry up and get there!"

So perhaps rather than believing in my dreams, which I do, I need to do something about them. I need to find and conquer them. I need to believe that I CAN conquer them. And that I am destined to achieve them, and not be a lazy layabout all my life.

I don't even really want to be famous. I mean sure, it'd be nice on some counts, but absolutely awful on others. I'd hate the privacy intrusion. I'm a bad enough celebrity stalker fiend that to find myself on the receiving end of someone like myself would be awful. I'd hate it. I just want to perform. I want to escape I suppose. When I'm on stage its the age old cliche of 'i can be someone other than me'. I'm an exhibitionist, what can I say...I just love to perform!

I think if i could perform for real, on stage, in the moment, 'living the dream' then my life would be happier.

Performing would be Living which means I'd be Happy.

I think.

But hey, I guess ultimately I still don't know, and I won't until I'm there...I'll keep you posted...

x

Back with avengence...

Wow...it's been a whole two years since I joined... Bad times. Has much changed? I doubt it.

Lets see...i'm still the little emo i've always been, on the inside, of course. One can't be seen to be emo when approaching twenty one. It's not the done thing. Perhaps that's why I am emo. Born to be different and all that.

I'm at uni now :O Good times! Really enjoying it, but as procrastinatory as ever, i'm leaving all my work till the last minute. Meant to have made a start on my dissertation, and by a start, they mean written half of it. Have I done that? Have I hell.

I've made tons of new and amazing friends here, and also lost some. People with serious self esteem issues, that had no trust in me and were convinced my word was always a lie. And it rarely is. I'm an open person. I tell things straight. It avoids confusion and trauma later on. Well with everyone but these apparent friends. But that's another story. For a better time, when I can look back and laugh at how, actually, despite it being an awful couple of months, i've come out the other end with such amazingly strong and supportive friends that I can't quite believe my luck.

So yeah. This is my blog...I intend to update more, though I doubt anyone actually reads this drivel. I'm not updating for my readers, I'm updating for myself. Although I intend to write for real one day, this is just like a diary. A cathartic release in online form. Who knows, it may actually make me feel better about myself. We shall see.

For now I will continue with my life, that really isn't as awful as I make it sound, I mean i'm not starving, i'm not homeless, i'm not without friends and family to rely on. I'm just a headcase, who thinks too much about too little and after all, everything is relative, and if i didn't have something to complain about I wouldn't be being true to my heritige.

Peace.